Mad As Hell
by beccaborrelli
I started TBT one point five years ago because I too, was mad as hell.
More than being mad as hell- I felt like I was completely alone in my madness. Most of the people in my life then and now seemed content to deal with the world as it was, while easing the discomfort with “Housewives of Orange Country” or shopping at Target for new, cheap shit.
Don’t get me wrong. I just bought ten pairs of dollar socks from the red bulls-eye. But every time I contemplated the consumerist world that survives by raping the earth and each other I started to feel the wrinkles deepen under my eyes. And I was noticing… most of my friends and family weren’t getting wrinkles over this.
I bring this up because I know I must sound like a cynical fuddy duddy on this blog. It’s one of my fears when I write. When I first started blogging- the combo of naive and negative was a turn off for many people (who told me so.) I know how I sound(ed). I just couldn’t/can’t help it. We don’t get mad at a newborn for crying for food… don’t get mad at this 29 year old for balking at her newfound realization the world she’s inherited is f’ed up. It’s a developmental stage, okay?
Just the other day I logged onto Facebook and saw my very wealthy, white, 30 something neighbors applauding the passage of Issue 3… a hot button topic in my state that will allow the development of Lake Erie Casinos.
If one would research casino development, they would fine zero examples of social and economic long term advancement. Except for Vegas. Niagara, Detroit, Windsor, Atlantic City (aka all the normal cities that aren’t located in a desert)… suffer rises in crime, social and cultural depravation etc.
So I was the unpopular one. I posted facts about Issue 3. My neighbor remarked to me within five minutes:
“I might agree with you in a few years- I guess I just don’t think as deeply about these things as you. I like gambling. I like going to Pittsburgh and Windsor.”
Well that pissed me off. To the readers, friends and everyone-freaking-else:
I don’t think deeply okay? I don’t even get “mad” in the literal sense. Outside of this blog I like to think I’m a pretty pleasant gal. I just observe things through 29 year old middle class white girl eyeballs. And what I observe makes me… MAD.
A cohort once told Harry Truman: “Give ’em hell Harry!” To which Truman replied:
“I don’t give them hell. I just give them the truth and it feels like hell.”
All this aside- reading about all the shit in the world from a northeast Ohio Art Teacher every time you visit is probably depressing and nominally annoying. I realized a few days ago:
I don’t know what this blog is.
I’m not offering much in the way of Education news (or any news for that matter), lesson plans, philosophy, humor or wit. What the “F” am I doing here?
This is a disclaimer:
I don’t know what I’m doing here.
All I know is that I’m mad as hell. And I wish more people were too.
If you’re okay with that- I invite you to stick around.
This Brazen Teacher 
Too many education blogs become simply blog aggregators. They become a site where people link to other sites. While that has it’s place (I actually like when Angela does this and when Matthew Koslowski does this) it often feels like a newspaper lacking in voice.
I like bloggers with a voice. It’s why your blog is so good. You tell stories. You bare your soul and share your beliefs, even when you feel confused by it all. Sometimes you venture into the political / policy side, but I’m glad that you don’t go there all the time. The Frustrated Teacher already does that.
For what it’s worth, teachers don’t need more resources. They don’t need more lessons. What they need is a voice and you are a blogger who does that well.
Incidentally, I went through this phase with my blog. It’s been a three year journey of creating new blogs, erasing some, eventually combining them all. I tried the practical route for awhile. I changed the visual style often. For me, though, even with all the changes, I go back to early posts and although I wouldn’t necessarily choose all the same topics (my beliefs have even changed a bit as well), my voice is consistent. I decided that my blog would be me – which is creative, metaphorical, quirky, occasionally funny, thought-provoking, long-winded, meandering, cynical.
To write with depth about a broken world doesn’t make you a whiner or a cynic. It makes you honest and I have a hunch that this lack of honesty is exactly why you get so upset when you walk through suburban Target.
John,
I spent months wondering what my blog offered… knowing that it full well offered something… but I always became mired in a lot of other stuff in the brain. In a few paragraphs you seemed to cut through all the BS to the heart of the issue. That’s why Doyle, yourself and a few others (such as vlorbik at Open A Vein) catch my attention. Very little “noise” on your blogs. Kudos for that.
Dear Brazen,
Live as well as you can. Keep sharing the truth. Keep dancing.
If you knew exactly what you were doing here, you’d be a machine.
If I wanted to spend time with machines on the internet, I would play soduku. For many, it beats thinking.
I’d rather be human.
~Michael
Dear Michael,
I must admit that your advice has incredible merit. It’s only been this past year that I’ve lessened self beatings- and found peace and a degree of comfort in “living as well as I can.” I read many blogs that spout confidently very unoriginal viewpoints- offering only “that they thought of it” as a reason why I should care. “Why the heck do I presume anyone wants to read what I’M thinking…??” So that’s where my fear comes from. I appreciate that you read around here instead of aligning numbers in boxes. 🙂
Because of reading your blog and Spencer’s, I feel more encouraged about trying to teach again. Your school and the blogging world need someone like you.
And no, I as an aspiring newbie art teacher really don’t need another lesson plan or another classroom management plan (there are sooo many.) It’s good to see that you’re doing the hard work of really trying to connect art to students’ everyday lives and getting them to think about the most important ideas at such a young age, which is no small task. Thank you for being honest about your experiences.
freshlypainted: I’ve appreciated you piping up around here. You’ve always been a quiet reader 🙂 You have the artsy brain that connects with my sense of reason quickly. I hope very much that you continue teaching. I was sad/understood completely when you left it. I saw/see a lot of your experience in my own.
I agree with you that John said it well. Voice is so important, and it has to be consistent. You’ve got that.Your deep thinking is appreciated by other deep thinkers. Not everyone’s going to get that or like it (ie your neighbors).
That being said, I disagree that you see things through “29 year old white middle class girl” eyes. If that were true, you’d be shopping at Target and not giving it a second thought. But you don’t, and people like your neighbors expect you to. That’s why they’re taken aback, confused, and dismissive when they hear you spout off like someone who has experienced oppression, discrimination, and poverty. You have a deeper understanding of and empathy for the human experience and you give more weight to causal relations than people who just take things for face value. There is beauty and pain in that.
My dad and I are deep thinkers in many of the same ways you are. My mom is simply not, despite being incredibly smart and caring. It’s just not her nature to ponder things like you do in this post. I imagine it’s much easier to live with her brain than mine and dad’s.
But the other day we were discussing something the pastor said at church: “What injustice stirs you up inside when you think about it? What need keeps you up at night because it’s unmet? That THING you keep coming back to over and over is what God wants you to take on, it’s a passion He placed in your heart, it’s part of your mission here on this planet.”
I asked my parents what that thing is for them. I knew mine right away. (Or at least, my current one, because there are actually many and they shift in priority in various seasons of my life.) My dad knew his. My mom thought for a long time. “I don’t know. I don’t think I have one. I guess I have to pray about that and see what God wants me to do.” She seemed a bit sad about it. It made me sad, too. And I it also made me feel a lot better about wrestling with the same issues you do.
At least we have issues to wrestle with. Can you imagine life without them?
I appreciate this story about your parents. It puts things into perspective. I can’t imagine a life without passion… for something… ANYTHING. I suppose I unfairly project that onto others… imagining that it’s their fault for being apathetic. Your comment about God reminded me of quote that I keep in my classroom on the wall:
“What you love to do is what you were born to do”-Susan Taylor
While I’m hesitant to turn this post into a large mushy-mush-fest, I thought you should know I am very grateful to have met you in this vast bloggy world Angela. 🙂
Yes, this totally DID turn into a mushy-mush-fest! That should tell you how much people love having your voice in this vast bloggy world. We’re happy to have YOU. 🙂
Are you freaking kidding me??? I love your blog. I love that you speak the truth. It makes an old cynical fart like me hopeful for my kids future. We definitely need more like you around.
I love the sort of person you are, you CARE. Too many folks wallow in their own creature comforts oblivious to the fact that those comforts are all too fleeting, and soon to be used up. Too many apathetic people out there. My daughter is like you. I’m so proud of her. I’m proud of you. BE MAD AS HELL. The world needs millions and millions more like you. After years and years of caring so deeply, I’ve become burnt out. But reading your blog ignites that spark long buried. So you DO make a difference by putting the truth out there.
Thank you for that.
Karen- anyone that reads your blog could find many adjectives to call you- but old, cynical and fart DON’T come to mind! I don’t know how much older you are than me- but if I have half your energy and youthful appearance when I “grow up”- than I fear aging no more!
I believe the key reason for so many problems in the world today is the fact we no longer have to see directly the repercussions of our actions. The degrees of separation between the consumer and the consumed have increased so much that people are completely unaware of the levels of destruction and suffering involved in the production of the food and other “stuff” we buy.
Yes I left this same reply on BOH’s blog but it’s fitting here
Flight, I concur on that point. I don’t know the answer to solving that problem- but maybe I’ll join a hippie commune somewhere to figure it out 🙂
You don’t have to know what you’re doing, there are absolutely no requirements that you be good or effective or influential here. This is your outlet and it’s not up to anybody else to judge you for what you write here. What you are offering is simply what’s going on in your head, and the fact that so many people keep coming back to read and to comment is proof that you are not either annoying or boring. And if anybody does get mad or annoyed, well, fuck ’em if they can’t take a joke. They can go somewhere else to read, there are plenty of other options out there on these vast interwebs. So, you keep doing what you’re doing and we’ll keep reading and remember that there are complete strangers out there who appreciate this particular northeast Ohio Art Teacher.
Mom2015- Did you say “fuck?” I think I love you for that. When or if I’m a mom- I’m going to say the “F” word a lot when my kids aren’t around. And maybe once and awhile when they are. Here’s to appreciating complete strangers… 😉
thanks for the nod. i’m kvelling.
i’d rather not *say* how touching
it is… but since we *share* our
feelings here in TBT there it is.
developmental stages?
a great deal of my recent life appears
best-imagined as some coming-of-age
*novel* or something. if i wasn’t 52.
we appear to be struggling with many of the same
“what’s-*my*-role-in-all-this” issues.
so what *i* come for is invigoration.
as r. crumb didn’t say:
your vigor for life inspires me.
bunches of others too it seems.
yours in the struggle. “vlorbik”.
Glad you saw the toast. I meant it quite sincerely. And since it’s apparent that this post has become a large group hug of sorts… let me finish by saying what a pleasure it is to read your columns of thoughts littered with asterisks… it is some of the most sincere commentary I read each week.
I’m 43. Thank God for my natural immaturity. Thanks, toots.
Hi – I found your blog via I Teach, Therefore I Am. From reading through the comments above I’d have to echo…keep being you…you’re obviously liked in the blogosphere.
At the risk of annoying John Spencer I’m going to invite you to visit you my new blog: http://wecanfixeducation.blogspot.com
That doesn’t annoy me. What annoys me is bloggers who began as bloggers but eventually became ad-sites for other people’s work. Joanne Jacobs is a great example of this – a site that started with commentary and story-telling but devolved into an aggregator for other ed-news. Annoying!
I have no problem with people sending links and sharing information. What bothers me is when people water down their sites with other people’s material and quit creating anything original.
KM Walton- Loved your most recent post. Going to go back and read that when I have more time. Please come and plug yourself on my blog anytime 🙂
Love your blog, and love that you are mad. IN fact, the movie that the video clip you posted here comes from caused me to stand in the theater and clap while most people around me looked on in silence. I’m going to refer you to the latest post by The Wicked Witch of the Web because I read it last night and felt my anger and disgust at this consumerist world (I just bought six pair of new underpants, so it sounds like we are the same kind of shoppers) was validated. And I signed on for the cause she writes about in her post, which made me feel a teeny bit better.
I hope the link works in WordPress: Wicked Witch of the Web post.
btw, I have no idea what my blog is really about either. I never settled on a theme, and perhaps that pisses some people off!
Vent…freely vent.
Lydia,
Sorry it took me a few days to respond to you. Could you send me the url for the Wicked Witch of the Web? I can’t get the link here in wordpress and I’m oh so curious now. Thank you for you comment. I applaud you, for standing in quiet theaters and applauding that movie. As I grow more brazen, I eventually hope to do the same kind of thing some distant day
What does deep thinking have to do with being pleasant? You don’t have to take it to the extreme like me, who mopes around all day and tells people that if their worth anything or value their lives, they’ll revolt. But yes, a real human being is considerate of the world around them. And that takes deep thinking. You can be quite pleasant and still be a deep thinker.
“don’t get mad at this 29 year old for balking at her newfound realization the world she’s inherited is f’ed up.”
What the fu….what is this crap about fearing to be cynical and angry?!??? How is any blog worth its place on the net if at least part of it is not lashing out at something or other?? Not to mention that anger and cynicism come with the “realization the world she’s inherited is f’ed up.” (this is not newfound by the way, you’ve known this for quite a while. Back when you were on Blogger.) I can understand naivete turning people off (which I don’t think you’ve ever had), but if people were turned off by negative things on your blog, they were pieces of s*** anyway. So why change for them? Are you writing to enlighten or appease?
I just stumbled on your blog and thought I’d say thanks – may the angry unite!